Create in me a clean heart

December is a month of difficult memories in South Sudan. The current conflict began four years ago this month, and people remember the anniversary of the killings and upheaval as they pray for another round of talks and negotiations currently happening in Addis Ababa. The women of the South Sudan Presbyterian Evangelican Church (SSPEC), are passionate about praying and acting to encourage peace, as they know that is a prerequisite for any lasting development in the country. To that end, they decided to hold a workshop this month on trauma healing and also on the contribution of women in the development of the church. Their theme came from Psalm 51, "Create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me." It was a meaningful and joyful time, as women from several congregations came together to learn, share, worship, and pray for unity in their country. It was encouraging to see this cross-section of women – some younger, some older, from several different tribes and language groups, some who are well educated and hold good jobs, and others who are not able to read or write – sharing together and bridging the obstacles that could divide them.

Women sing together at the beginning of the meeting

Achol Majok is the chairperson for women’s ministry in SSPEC, and she began the meeting by acknowledging the anniversary of the conflict, and the upheaval that many of the women have experienced. She passionately exhorted the women to pray and work for peace, investing themselves in the process. She emphasized the importance of the role of the church, saying it is like a sub-committee within the National Dialog process.

Achol exhorts women to pray and work for peace

A session that gave an overview of trauma healing was facilitated by John Orian. He invited participants’ thoughts about what conflict is, and trauma, and what signs you might see that someone has been traumatized. He gave an example of two people in conflict, and asked people to share the culture within their tribe of how those two people would achieve and demonstrate reconciliation. The women were eager to share experiences and thoughts, recognizing the traumatic experiences that most South Sudanese people have lived through. John emphasized the importance of the church being a space that is ‘safe’, where people feel at peace and can work towards reconciliation.

One woman shares her thoughts during the trauma healing session

Lunch of bread and stew

After a filling lunch, Rev. Philip Obang, the General Secretary of SSPEC, presented about the significant role and contribution that women have in the growth and development of the church. He began by highlighting women in the Bible who played a role in ministry, leadership, or through their business activities. He then identified the various ways that the church should develop – spiritually, through discipleship and also numbers, but also culturally and personally, as members are mentored and built up. There was a lively discussion afterwards – SSPEC has not ordained women pastors or elders, which means there is also little representation of women in their General Assembly.

Rev. Philip teaching about church development

Many of SSPEC’s congregations are located within refugee or IDP (internally displaced persons) camps, because that is where the peopel are. Some of the women had to leave the workshop early to return to the camp before the curfew. But it was encoruaging to see these women reconnecting with each other and feeling valued and empowered. As they prepare for Christmas, it felt fitting that they focus on peace and healing, to be able to experience the true and eternal peace that Christ came to give. We are grateful for their partners in the U.S. that supported this workshop financially, and for the vision of the church to continue to make the church a place of peace and of hope in the midst of this challenging environment.

The Little Things

Life can often feel difficult and depressing – at least that is a current struggle here for us in South Sudan. But in the midst of that, I was reflecting recently on several specific things we are grateful for here in Juba, that refresh our bodies and spirits. Here are a few of the ‘little things’ in life that give us joy:

1. People in our neighborhood we have gotten to know, who have welcomed us into their lives. Like Mary, the owner of the tea-shop that we frequent, who invited us to the end-of-year celebration at her daughter’s school. Or Helen Frederick, who called us to say that she had a new grandchild, and invited us to stop by and visit the baby.

One of the kindergarten graduates

2. Recent steps of improvement in Bob’s health. The journey with Epstein-Barr has been a long, twisted road and constant ups and downs. But just last week Bob felt up for preaching at church (with only 1 day’s notice!), and overall his energy is much improved from a few months ago, as long as he is not sick with a bad cold or sometthing else.

Bob talks to some kids after the church service last week

3. Dinner on the river. While we lament that insecurity prevents us from traveling freely outside of the city, we are grateful for some restaurants near us that provide a diversion, fun food, and sometimes a refreshing view of nature. This week we happened to be at this restaurant on the night of the full moon, and got to watch it rise over the river!

Dinner with friends at a restaurant on the Nile River –
such a refreshing change from the dust and heat of the city.

4. Our mosquito net. We put up a net a few months ago after too many nightly battles with mosquitos.While sleep is still a challenge for us, we are grateful that at least we are not getting bit by mosquitos, and we do not have malaria!

5. The variety of fruits and vegetables available here. We make fruit smoothies often, which we could not do in Congo because of lack of electricity. And we eat big colorful kale salads, a delcious meal in warm weather. It still feels like luxury to be able to get a red bell pepper or celery in the middle of Africa.

One of our favorite kale salads

6. Consistent internet. Not fast enough to stream movies, but at least we can usually download podcasts or music or use Skype to connect with family and friends far away. We are grateful for this technology that gives us options for news, inspiration, and communication.

7. Church in English – This also still feels like a novelty after our years in Kananga. Once in awhile when we do not have a scheduled church visit on a Sunday, we enjoy worshipping and fellowship in English with new friends from many different countries.

8. Evening walks in the neighborhood: The sliver of time between when the sun is going down and when it gets dark is a great time to enjoy some fresh air without it being too hot outside. We are so grateful to be able to stroll through our neighborhood and sometimes have some good conversations as we get to know people.

9. A good story – This year we got on a roll of reading a book together – usually reading a little before bed. Whether a memoir, or a novel, or something inspiring, we appreciate having our perspectives expanded and imagining what is possible.

10. Simon, one of the guards of our building. Simon is a policeman assigned to our building. He is here night and day, and is one of the friendliest, happiest people we have met. He is very hard to understand (perhaps because he is missing several teeth), but he likes to joke around and help us practice Arabic. There are many people who we appreicate in South Sudan, but Simon certainly makes our lives a little brighter as we come and go each day.

“College Day” at Nile Theological College

 A festive quality filled the air.  The large tents were erected by students and faculty for this special, annual occasion.  We were gathering to celebrate the 26^th anniversary of the founding of Nile Theological College (NTC).  Our small contingent of mission co-workers showed up close to eleven in the morning amidst a flurry of activity.  In attendance were alumni, faculty, former faculty, esteemed guests and the student body.  A local choir led us in song, filling the tent with vibrant sounds and distinctive Arabic praises.  The theme verse for the day, emblazoned on the banner upfront, was from Paul’s letter to the Philippians.  Amidst all of the adversity the Apostle Paul faced, he boldly proclaims, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (4: 13). 

"College Day" at NTC, Rev. Santino, (Principal) speaks

Gathered together under the big tent

Perhaps this theme reflects well the journey of Nile Theological College, particularly over the last six years.  From their origin in Khartoum, a second campus was planted and developed in Malakal in the Upper Nile State in 2011 .  This initiative was a labor of love, establishing this institution in the newly created country of South Sudan for the purpose of training future leaders who will serve their congregations and communities.  Yet, the new school would be destroyed as fighting erupted in late 2013, lasting well into 2014, and continuing even to this day.  The new campus would relocate to Juba where scattered students and faculty would find each other once again.  The faculty asked the handful of few students, “What should we do?  Should we reopen?”  The students replied “Yes, it would be good to reopen.”  Thus, with only five students, the school reopened in early 2015.  In these two years, with two new intakes, the student body has quickly grown to more than seventy.  It feels as though God’s Spirit is at work.  Most of these students have been displaced from their home regions and ten of them currently live in Internally Displaced Person (IDP) camps in and around Juba.  Most of them face challenges communicating with family who are either in refugee camps in Ethiopia or in rebel controlled regions of South Sudan.

Bill, a doctor who teaches about HIV/Aids at NTC,
raises his hands in praise

During the anniversary celebration last Saturday, we heard from many different voices.  A representative of the Student Union spoke along with a distinguished alumnus who is now serving the Africa Inland Church (AIC).  A faculty member then preached a message from Philippians, making the point that the Arabic Bible uses the word ‘Abd’ for Jesus in the well-known Philippians two passage.  While many English translations use the word servant, ‘Abd’ in Arabic means “slave.”  He compared our service to that of Jesus, who emptied himself and took the form of a slave, impressing on us that the Spirit presses one to serve, even as a slave is compelled to serve his/her master.

Rev. Samuel Jok, who teaches Sudanese Church History at NTC,
preaches from Philippians 4: 11 - 13

The celebration continued with worship through song and remarks from the academic dean, the former principal, the current principal, the chairman of board and a representative from the government of South Sudan, the Honorable Rebecca Joshua Okwaci.  Rebecca and others gave tribute to her father, a leader in the community and church and one who greatly encouraged many.  Rebecca spoke at length, citing the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God – how unsearchable are his judgments! (Romans 11: 33).  She herself volunteered to meet some of the needs expressed by the student representative, and encouraged us all to do whatever we can to strengthen and help this institution.  She spoke passionately, fluent both in Arabic and English. 

 Rev. James Partap, Chairman of NTC, pictured with
Honorable Minister Rebecca Joshua Okwaci and
Honorable Minister Yien Oral Lam

Rev. Peter Gai Lual gives the closing words and benediction
he shared that though he felt pain in his body, he stayed for the
duration, sensing God's healing presence in the gathered assembly

Our time together came to close with a nice meal and time of laughter and fellowship.  It was wonderful to be part of this celebration, giving thanks to God for twenty six years of equipping and preparing leaders for the manifold works of God.  May God’s hand of grace and mercy continue to rest upon Nile Theological College.         

Students enjoy the meal under the tarp

Visit to the Lologo church in Juba

Since Juba residents come from all of the 64 tribes of South Sudan, there are worship services held in many of the major languages. We have enjoyed the various styles of singing and liturgy that each tribe and language embraces. A few weeks ago we visited an Anyuwaa congregation for the second time with our colleague, Rev. Philip Obang – this time I (Kristi) gave the message and Bob participated in serving communion and the baptism of several children and adults. We made a short (less than 2 minutes) video of some of the pictures from both visits, with one of their songs in the background. Enjoy!

God’s providence and sovereignty in the midst of turbulent times

A few weeks ago Rev. Chris Ferguson, the General Secretary of the World Council of Reformed Churches (WCRC), with Rev. Debbie Braaksma, the Africa Officer Director for Presbyterian Church (USA) World Mission, along with Lynn and Sharon Kandel and myself, Presbyterian (USA) Mission Co-workers serving in South Sudan and the Horn of Africa Region, spent time at Nile Theological College (NTC) where I teach, located here in the capital city of Juba.  We met with the leadership of the college which includes:  Rev. Santino Odong (Principal), Rev. John Tong Pak (Academic Dean), Rev. Michael Obang (Lecturer and Registrar), along with the librarian and accountant.  We also had an informal lunch with students which allowed us to learn more about the life of the institution and the lives of the students.  The conversation with both leadership and students was animated - it was difficult to stop sharing ideas back and forth before heading off to the next meeting!

Rev. Santino, principal of NTC , shares some of
the history  and vision for the future

Rev. Debbie Braaksma shares words of
wisdom and encouragement

Sitting with students at lunch and hearing their stories -
this student lives in an IDP camp on the outskirts of Juba

After South Sudan became an independent nation in 2011, in addition to the campus in Khartoum in Sudan, a second NTC campus was established in Malakal, South Sudan.  It was a labor of love to establish this new campus, but the new leadership was determined to inaugurate the work of NTC in the world’s youngest nation.  To the surprise and consternation of all, civil war broke out in December of 2013, affecting the entire nation of South Sudan, leaving no one unaffected.  Malakal, being strategically located on the Nile River, was a contested city, much of it being destroyed including the young college.  Miraculously, 80% of the books of the institution were spared and housed by a local politician until Rev. Santino, the Principal, was able to arrange transport of the books to the college’s new location in Juba, the capital.  

Rev. John Tong Pak describes some of the realities
faced by faculty and students alike 

Since moving from Malakal to Juba in 2014, NTC has grown from five students to more than seventy.  Roughly ten of these students live in Internally Displaced Person (IDP) camps and a majority of the students have been displaced from all over the country.  Due to the compromised security situation and challenges with education in South Sudan, wives and children of the leadership of the NTC live in surrounding countries such as Egypt, Sudan and Uganda.  As we discussed the issue of displacement, Rev. Ferguson drew our attention to reformers such as John Calvin and John Knox who were themselves displaced from their homes of origin (France, Scotland) due to the political and religious upheaval of their times.  Thus, much of our reformed thought and thinking germinated during a period of great national and international political and religious turmoil.  John Calvin even insisted to the City Council of Geneva that they set a precedent for being a place which would welcome refugees.  The theme stressed by Rev. Ferguson in this discussion, God’s providence and sovereignty in the midst of turbulent times, felt like not only an important theological insight, but served a means of pastoral care  for these South Sudanese leaders who persevere in their service in the face of the multitudinous challenges in this war torn nation. 

Rev. Ferguson makes the connection between the reformers of the 16th century
and the realities of displacement faced today in South Sudan

Rev. Michael Obang of NTC and Rev. Ferguson
enjoy a light moment of fellowship 

As we finished our time together, Rev. Ferguson also made known to the leadership of NTC a few important opportunities for connecting more deeply to the worldwide communion of faith and ways to empower South Sudanese leaders.  PC(USA) Mission Co-worker Sharon Kandel describes NTC as “a place of joy and hope.”  Indeed, in the midst of the turbulence which has been endemic to this region for generations, NTC shines as a brilliant light to the goodness, faithfulness and glory of God.  For the leadership of NTC and for those of us connected to this institution, it is always a welcome reminder to know that we belong to a worldwide community of faith who upholds us in prayer and encourages us as we press forward in faith.  To God be the glory!       

Sharon Kandel, her husband Lynn, and Rev. Ferguson
bless brother Santino!  

Introduction to the South Sudan Presbyterian Evangelical Church

This week Rev. Chris Fergusen from the World Communion of Reformed Churches (WCRC) and Rev. Debbie Braaksma (Africa Area Director for Presbyterian World Mission), visited Juba and met with several church partners here. I accompanied them on their visit to the South Sudan Presbyterian Evangelical Church (SSPEC), the partner that I am working with here. The visit was an introduction for Rev. Ferguson to this church and also an introduction for SSPEC to the work of the WCRC and an invitation to explore membership in this global communion. I thought I would share a summary of the visit as a way to introduce you to the church partner and some of the colleagues that I will be working with.

Rev. Madut Tong shares the history of the church

Rev. Madut Tong, Deputy General Secretary of SSPEC, shared that SSPEC was formed as an extension of the Presbyterian Church in Northern Sudan, based in Khartoum. When South Sudan became an independent country in 2011, many Southerners were pushed out of Khartoum. Those from the Sudan Presbyterian Evangelical Church who were displaced into the new country of South Sudan regrouped and began planting their own churches. When support from the leadership in Khartoum was cut off, they formed their own denomination, the South Sudan Presbyterian Evangelical Church (SSPEC). Currently, the young church has about 30 congregations, but because of the ongoing conflict many of those congregations are in IDP camps or comprised of people displaced from their home regions. Because of the instability and crisis in the country, the focus has been on planting churches and getting a basic building to worship in. Pastors and church leaders are bi-vocational – all of them have taken on jobs outside the church to support their families. Rev. Ferguson shared experiences from some other churches in regions of conflict, and encouraged the SSPEC leaders that sometimes conflict and crisis give us a chance to re-evaluate systems and make changes.

Meeting with the Executive Committee of SSPEC at their offices

The church has a vision to create a Bible school that would provide education at a primary-school level and training in the Bible and church ministry to adults who feel called to ministry but are not qualified or able to enter university. South Sudan has one of the lowest literacy rates in the world, currently at 27%. Rev. Philip Akway, General Secretary for SSPEC, also said that their vision for the Bible school is to combine education with vocational skills, to further build people’s capacity and ability to thrive in ministry. Rev. Ferguson encouraged the church with this vision, and said that sometimes the church is a person’s only opportunity for education, and that the training provided can increase the capacity of the community as a whole.

Achol Majok, chairwoman of the women’s desk

“Women have been included as a key organ in the church,” shared Madam Achol Majok, chairwoman of the Women’s desk for SSPEC. Women are active in the church, but because of the current crisis in the country their activities are currently focused on promoting peace. Women of several congregations gather in monthly prayer gatherings and hold marches to promote peace. Several members have been trained in trauma healing and reconciliation, and workshops have been held to promote healing. Achol is keen on women being involved in the process when the church’s constitution is reviewed and translated from Arabic into English.

The Jebel Market church, including pastor (left), members,
and mission co-worker Lynn Kandel (middle)

The delegation visited the Jebel Market congregation, whose members were proud to show off their newly constructed building with shiny red iron roof sheets and fresh-caked mud walls. Support for the roof sheets was given from the Presbyterian Church (USA). The church, established in 2006, had been worshipping under tarps for 3 years since their temporary building collapsed in 2015. Most of the members live in an Internally Displaced Persons (IDP) camp at the edge of town, and often are not able to make it to church because of lack of transport. The congregation worships in the Nuer language, one of several languages used in SSPEC congregations.

The SSPEC leadership hosted a dinner for the visitors at a hotel in Juba to show their appreciation for the visit. Rev. James Partap, moderator of SSPEC, acknowledged that one of the church’s biggest challenges is the reality of being displaced – congregations that were established have dissolved when whole communities fled because of war. Pastors and leaders of SSPEC are still scattered across the region, including Kenya, Uganda Ethiopia, Sudan, and Egypt. Current congregations are comprised of people who are displaced from their home regions and are therefore transient. On a positive note, the church has also seized the opportunity that displacement presented by establishing new churches in places where their people take refuge when they have been displaced.

Rev. Chris Fergusen discussing with SSPEC leaders over dinner, including
Rev. Philip Akway (far left) and Rev. James Partap (right).

The leadership of SSPEC was encouraged to hear about examples of ecumenical efforts that WCRC has facilitated, such as a partnership between a church in Taiwan with a church in Colombia to train pastors in advocacy and community organizing. Rev. Ferguson emphasized that the strength of the WCRC is leveraging the experience and skills of churches to partner together to benefit each other. SSPEC is interested to explore membership in WCRC and to benefit from the experiences and connections with other churches in areas of conflict, crisis, and displacement.

Presenting the SSPEC leaders with a gift

Now you know a little of the history, vision, and challenges of this church partner. I look forward to joining them as together we seek to make the gospel known and raise up disciples in the midst of the challenges of displacement, instablity, and conflict.

Have Mercy, LORD

It happened so quickly.  There I was on the side of the road, talking with Abdullah.  The bag hung over my right shoulder, non-street side.  Abdullah and I had exchanged greetings and I was describing to him in Arabic where I was headed.  Suddenly and inexplicably, Abdullah leaned in, embracing me as the motorcycle whizzed by on my right side.  Before I could gasp or say a word, we stood there shell-shocked as the thieves absconded with all of my bag save one of the two straps.  We had heard of this happening to others, now I was the victim.  Abdullah saw that I was okay, except for a minor abrasion where the canvas bag had been ripped away from the grip of my arm.  Others standing in the vicinity came over to offer solace. 

I continued my short trek down to the store to buy a few things, still feeling a bit jarred.  On my way back, there was Abdullah, where I had met him.  He has tracked down the remainder of our bag which the thieves had discarded when they realized there was nothing inside.  The sturdy bag that has served us well for many years and elicited many compliments was tattered and torn, but looked like it could be re-stitched.  I was so grateful to Abdullah for going to find the rest of the bag, a very thoughtful and kind gesture. 

At that very spot, in front of the mosque, sat Ismael, a neighbor.  I shared with him and others there what had happened.  They were sympathetic.  “Allah kariim,” God is generous, we all noted, giving thanks that the situation had not been any worse and giving thanks to God for His provision.  I went home and explained what happened to the guards where we live.  They also were kind and concerned.  I told the whole story to Kristi in our apartment as she attended to my wounded arm and spirit.  Shortly thereafter Lynn and Sharon Kandel, our Regional Liaisons, came down to encourage me, having heard about the traumatic event.  The following day at the market, two women whom we frequently buy things from, Kapeeta and Amina, noticed my wound and expressed sympathy.  The following day Emmanuel, the manager of our building, came down just to see how I was doing after having heard of the affair.  In short, I felt a lot of care and concern and sympathy from our community here.

Another conversation during that time stands out.  Susan, one of the women who cleans our building, explained how there are many people here who are hungry and are driven by their hunger to steal.  I had thought of this reality, which gave me some compassion towards the two men who had stalked me.  I cannot say that their actions are justifiable, but I do see their actions as reflective of the social challenges faced by so many here in South Sudan.  Soldiers, police and teachers haven’t been paid in six months.  The ongoing civil war has displaced millions.  Children are without parents and scavenge for food on the streets alongside dogs.  There are so many sad realities here that simply break one’s heart time and time again. 

This episode serves as a good reminder not only to be vigilant when walking in Juba, but also of the desperation felt by so many.  Lord, I forgive these two men and I pray that You would provide for their needs so they do not feel the need to steal.  May you soften their hearts and change their circumstances, and may You hear the cries of the many who are struggling.  Have mercy, LORD, on this distressed land.   

    

Home visit

We have really enjoyed getting to know our Arabic teacher, Elder Charles Peter during our lessons. We hear about his family, his neighborhood, and his work as a missionary, showing the Jesus film and preaching in various parts of town. In Africa you don’t need to wait for an invitation, so one day we told him that we wanted to visit his home. “Wonderful!” He replied in Arabic, “My wife will make kudra for you. It is delicious!”

Last week the big day came. We took two different buses out to Gudele, a district near the edge of town. We met him on a busy street corner, and then took a rickshaw (a three-wheeled covered contraption that holds 4 people) down a dirt road until we reached his neighborhood. Then, a short walk, where we were thrilled to see grass and flowers along the sides of the road and streams that bisect the road (and swell to make them impassable when it rains). In the middle of town where we live in a 4-story building, we are a little starved for nature, so it felt very refreshing to be reminded of what a more typical neighborhood looks like.

Bob and Charles on the road in Gudele - Enjoying the green!

When we reached the house, we met his wife, son, nephew, and a few neighbors. We were ushered into the
house, and we enjoyed the chance to finally talk with his wife who we had heard so much about. We looked through pictures from their wedding and early years together. We heard more of their experience in Malakal in 2013, when war erupted and they were forced to flee, leaving all of their household possessions to be looted by the invading soldiers. They lived in a UN camp for a few weeks, sleeping under only a tarp, until a friend helped to evacuate them to Uganda. They returned to South Sudan because of a commitment to God’s work here, and their persevering hope and sacrifice to make the gospel known is humbling. Most of our conversation was in Arabic, which meant that sentences had to be repeated sometimes or new words clarified, but still a victory to be able to connect meaningfully in our new language!
Then, lunch was served and the awaited kudra was brought in. Kudra are leaves that are ground and cooked to make a thick green soupy mixture, often with chunks of meat included in it. In Juba kudra is eaten with a starch like kisra (similar to Ethiopian injira) or asiida (like ugali in East Africa). Charles Peter was right—it really was delicious, and Mama Wigdan was vigilant to make sure that our plates were never empty until we were stuffed and protesting that we couldn’t possibly eat any more.

Eating kudra for the first time – a favorite dish in South Sudan

After that great meal, we realized clouds were gathering and we should start the journey home. Charles accompaied us back to the main road, rode the first bus with us and even paid our fare on the second bus back to our part of town. With Bob’s energy still low because of the virus, big outings like this feel very special and appreciated. We felt so grateful for wonderful people like Charles Peter and Wigdan who exemplify to us the warm hospitality of the South Sudanese people.

With Charles Peter and Wigdan, at their home

Sitting with Suffering

We Americans have many natural gifts and talents derived from the strengths of our culture.  We are good “fix it” people.  If there is a problem, we are right on it.  A natural disaster happens, a flood, a hurricane, and we have already mobilized first responders even before the catastrophe happens.  Months and even years later we give money and our time to help those in need.  We are creative problem solvers who cannot live with intolerable suffering in our midst.  On the other side of the pendulum, on the negative side, lies our propensity to shield ourselves from the pain of others, because often we cannot identify with their suffering.  When someone we know is in pain, we may try to placate the situation with statements such as – “Just give it time, things will get better soon enough.”

We, Americans, are good at "fixing things," but not always
good at sitting with suffering

Having lived in places like Rwanda, Congo, and now South Sudan, I have come to realize that our American propensity to fix things and to avoid pain with polite half-truisms will only take one so far.  What happens when the problem can’t be fixed, or be fixed expeditiously and efficiently?  What if time isn’t enough to heal generational wounds?  Here in Juba, South Sudan, it feels like every day we are bombarded from all sides with needs.  Every time we step out of our building we are accosted multiple times by men, women, and young children who have the look of hunger and hopelessness in their eyes.  They ask for a handout but obviously they need so much more.  How can one “fix” this problem?  What words will ever be enough?  Last week Susan, one of the cleaners of our building, came up to Kristi and grasped her hair, saying, “God must love you White People.  He gives you nice, soft hair and a good life.  God must love you more than the rest of us!”  Kristi, understandably, was at a loss for words.  How does one respond to such an honest lament?  How does one respond to the inherent injustices of our world, a warped world which favors some to the exclusion of others?

Two years ago I was asked to provide time for theological reflection for a divinity student named John who had come to Congo on a summer internship.*  Every few weeks John and I would sit down and reflect together on what he was seeing and learning.  In one particularly poignant session, we reflected on the nature of suffering.  John told me that the suffering he was confronted with in Congo made him want to turn and run.  The suffering John was witnessing was simply intolerable to his American, white, middle class sensibilities.  Yet, as we sat together with the Scriptures and in a posture of prayer, we came to see that Jesus was unique in that he was able and willing to sit with people in their suffering.  He did not turn and run from them.  This theological reflection became an object lesson for both John and I, that sitting with people in their suffering is a form of ministry, even when we are unable to fix their pain and don’t have the words to make things better.      

This lesson has become even more poignant to me on a deeply personal level over the last three months as I have been diagnosed with the Epstein-Barr Virus, an illness which has rendered me weak and tired, an illness which lingers and can last months and even longer.  It has been difficult for me and others to understand that this sickness has no medicine and no defined time frame for improvement.  It feels like there is no real "fix" to this ailment - just time and rest and a good diet.  I am thankful for many of you who have expressed both lament and support through this period.    

Beyond my own ailment, so often I feel rather helpless here in South Sudan.  I cannot fix the multitudinous problems and my words will never be enough.  What I can do, as I am learning even from my own situation of pain, is to simply sit with people in their suffering.  I can bless and serve them by looking them in the eyes and seeing them as human beings worthy of dignity and honor.  Of course I can also pray for healing and change and seek to find long term solutions, but perhaps what is most needful in the moment by moment realities of everyday life is to just accompany people, sitting with them in their pain, and being present to them with their questions.  Sitting with suffering, I believe, is what God is calling us to do, above and beyond what our cultural instincts might tell us.  Lord Jesus, may we heed this call. 

*John is a pseudonym for the divinity student mentioned.    

   

             

Learning, like little children

I am repeatedly reminded of the similarities between us as language learners and very young children as they are learning to talk. When we walk the streets of Juba and greet someone we know, other heads turn in amusement. “You speak Arabic?” they ask. When we say yes, we are learning Arabic, people are excited, and often want to quiz us on what we know. One fruit vendor pointed to different fruit “what is this? And this one?”, celebrating the ones I knew and correcting the ones that I had forgotten. And then they might rattle off some question that we don’t understand at all. When we ask them to repeat and slow down, they happily comply, simplifying the language so that we are more likely to catch the meaning.

We enjoyed a long talk in Arabic with Santos about life, family, and farming –
using lots of gestures and props to help when words were lacking.

One of our favorite places to practice has been Mary’s friendly tea stall across the street. The tea stall only has room for about 8 people, all facing each other. It is a great atmosphere for conversation, and often everyone gets engaged in the conversation. It is rather humbling and embarrassing when other conversations stop as people ask about why we are in Juba, where we are from, etc. We have met some wonderful people and patient teachers on our random visits there. Many people patiently repeat what they are trying to communicate or help to correct our pronunciation—just like you might for a two-year old. When we manage to use a word or phrase that is an idiom, or is perceived as beyond our beginner level, people laugh and exclaim and praise us—just like you would for a precocious young child. And then, of course, there are the times when people talk ‘over’ us, conversing about us while we are left guessing what they are saying. Or going back to their ‘real’ conversations while we listen and observe and just guess at what they are discussing—just like children overhearing bits of the ‘adult’ conversation!

Mary, making tea for us at her tea stall

Most people we encounter are amused and affirming of our desire to learn Juba Arabic…even when we make mistakes. When we are trying to say something but have the words bumbled up or the wrong pronunciation, they are patient with us as we search for words or try to explain until they finally understand and laugh at our mis-pronunciation or wrong words. We are grateful that we can provide some amusement, and also grateful that people are willing to be patient with us and help us learn…just like adults do for young children!

And we DO make plenty of mistakes. Here are a couple of our recent faux-pas.:

During a language lesson, Bob got  call from a man who wanted us to come visit. “Let me talk to Kristi”, Bob said in Arabic, and then meant to say “then I will call you back”. Except that the word “call” in Juba is the same words as to ‘beat’ or ‘hit’ something. So without the right conjunction, what Bob said was “then I will beat you”. Our language teacher, listening to the conversation, corrected him and then burst out laughing at the difference. Lesson learned!

I was sitting outside with two women, Umi and Mary, one evening. I mentioned an area of town where we had visited a church, called in Arabic “the Arab neighborhood” because historically there was a concentration of Arabs there. Except that I did not remember the name correcty, and instead said, essentially, “The neighborhood of the long white robes”. Similar word and similar concept, but they found it a rather amusing slip. Umi roasts and sells pumpkin seeds on the street, so she offered some to Mary and I as we chatted. I was happily chewing mine, when Mary asked me “Kristi, where are your shells of the seeds?” I realized then that she was spitting them out, and I was swallowing them. Oops! They laughed again at my naivete, but I am so grateful for they were willing to point out my mistakes and help me learn.

It feels like this is a sweet ‘period of grace’ in our language learning. After three years, we will no longer be the novel new people, and will not be shown the same grace and patience with language that we are today. We hope that with the help and correction of many ‘elders’ around us, we will improve and mature in our ability to communicate in Arabic.

Meeting the Neighbors!

Last Sunday we decided to take our daily evening walk in a different direction.  On the way towards one of the shops we frequent we saw the smiling face of Adil, the shop owner.  We stopped to chat and before we knew it, he invited us to his home!  Then we saw the butcher of the shop, Anwar, trailing close behind.  The four of us walked the short distance to their home, learning that Adil and Anwar are brothers and live together.  Entering the compound of their home was surreal.  It felt more like an open air boarding house for young migrant workers.  We saw several other workers from the shop/butchery and were surprised that they all live together.  Being in the relaxed environment of their home was a pleasant experience.  Most of them donned their “Jalabia,” the long flowing white robes which conjure images of Middle Eastern life.  They gave us sodas to drink and peanuts and other snacks to eat.  They took out their phones and began taking pictures with us all together as we laughed and enjoyed this serendipitous moment.  All of these men are from Sudan (the neighboring country to the north) and their families and children all live in Khartoum, the capital city.  One of them whom I spoke with returns once a year for a couple of months, which is probably more or less true for all of them.  

Picture taken with Abdulafat (left) and his brother who
sent us this photo from his phone via WhatsApp

Before leaving, Anwar gave us a tour of the place, leading us back to Adil’s room, the only fully enclosed room on the compound that we observed.  Adil is the elder statesman of the group, a wise and affable looking fellow who will soon be travelling back to Khartoum for the big feast of Eid al-Adha.  Adil has a nice room with a couple of beds and a television; when we entered his room he was watching an impressive prayer service from Saudi Arabia.  He took out a small bottle of cologne and began spraying us with it – commenting on how nice it smells! 

Walking in the other direction on most evenings we have met Ismael, Adam and Naem.  All three are young men and live near each other and possibly work together repairing cars.  Ismael’s father died and his mother and siblings live in Khartoum.  He is of the Dinka tribe and is originally from a place called Bor.  Adam, his friend, is from Darfur.  Naem, whom we have met twice now in the last week, lives with his son and mother and other children related to their family.  His mother, Helen Frederick, is a dignified looking woman who calls us “her children.”  She has invited us to come and visit her in her home sometime.  Ismael and Naem have invited us to join them for the upcoming feast commemorating the sacrifice God provided in place of Abraham’s son.

A significant component of our language learning methodology and philosophy is learning language in community, not in a classroom.  We don’t have a language teacher but rather a “language helper,” and our goal is to learn with him on a regular basis, but then to be “out and about” listening, learning and speaking with native speakers of Juba Arabic and Sudanese Arabic.* 

Each person whom we have named in this blog post is Muslim. It has been interesting how we have connected with several Muslims in our neighborhood in the process of language learning.  While the Arab/Islamic influence from the North is indeed strong, South Sudan is a predominantly “Christian” country, in that most of its citizens would ascribe to being either Catholic or Protestant.  South Sudan is the only Arabic speaking country in the world which is majority Christian.    

We are enjoying building these relationships in the community and thankful for these new Muslim neighbors and friends.  Here in South Sudan there is a great deal of acceptance and grace given to one another across the religious spectrum; there are even inter-religious marriages between Muslims and Christians.  In a world that is becoming increasingly polarized along national, ethnic and religious lines, we are grateful for the opportunity to build bridges with our Muslim sisters and brothers.  Pray that we can continue to find ways to bless one another!

*Sudanese Arabic and Juba Arabic are two distinct languages, similar but different.  Sudanese or Khartoum Arabic is closer to the Classical Arabic of places like Egypt and Saudi Arabia.  If one knows Khartoum Arabic, one is able to speak more widely in the Arab world.  Juba Arabic is a creole or pidgin.  It is a language unto itself yet does not have an official status, not even in South Sudan.  It is widely spoken and understood here in Juba and throughout much of South Sudan, particularly the Equatorial regions. We are primarily learning Juba Arabic, but also picking up some of the more classical words and expressions as well.    

 

 

Waking up White

I am half-way through the book Waking Up White, by Debby Irving. I heartily recommend the book to anyone, and appreciate hearing Debbie’s story of her long search to understand race and its impact in America. The book is thought-provoking and disturbing in good ways – I think it is always good when our assumptions or the status-quo are challenged so that we have to really think about what we are doing and why. I wanted to share a few things from the book that have stood out to me so far or have been helpful.

One idea that stands out is the idea that both discrimination and privilege are components of racism. Irving says, “Just as time has compounded disadvantages for people living on the downside of systemic racism, it has compounded the advantages I and other white people enjoy. My life is built on family members able to get citizenship without a fight, land grants for free, GI Bill benefits, low rate loans, good education, and solid health care. Each generation has set up the starting point for the next, perpetuating the illusion that white people are more successful, not beneficiaries of an inequitable system.” I admit that I have somehow had the notion that racism was just an act or perspective of discrimination in the present—conveniently ignoring the fact that if there is privilege for some, then there is discrimination or lack of privilege for others, even if that is the result of actions taken in the past.

Living in places like Congo and now South Sudan, we are challenged often by the reality of our privilege while living in countries where poverty is pervasive and extreme. I never had to stay home from school because my parents could not pay the school fees, nor was forced to flee my home alone when it was attacked. I grew up speaking a language with a wealth of educational materials and came to know early the incredible love and grace of God. Sometimes the disparity is overwhelming as we recognize we do not deserve anything more than anyone else of any nationality. We are humbled and grateful for many brothers and sisters in Christ who are materially poor but who inspire us, teach us, and welcome us to join them in seeking to make the Kingdom of God known.
The second concept from the book is that “…Not talking about race [is] a privilege available only to white people.” This really struck me – I admit that exploring my own privilege or the ongoing effects of systemic racism in the U.S. are uncomfortable subjects that I try to avoid – but to realize that some people in America are daily facing the brunt end of discrimination while I can ignore it was really disturbing. “This widespread phenomenon of white people wanting to guard themselves against appearing stupid, racist, or radical has resulted in an epidemic of silence from people who care deeply about justice and love from their fellow human beings”. How often do you have conversations about race (unless something like Charlottesville happens)? When I do not feel well-versed in a complex and controversial issue, I tend to stay silent. So this is my fumbling effort to put a few thoughts out there to start a conversation, given that we are far from the U.S. and not able to have these conversations in person.

Finally, this book explores what it means to be “white” in America, and the history of racial perceptions. Irving says, “understanding whiteness, regardless of class, is key to understanding racism.” What are my particular cultural values, and how does that impact how I perceive others or the assumptions I might make? Of course, one or two hundred years ago in America there was much more distinction and discrimination between some of the European immigrants – the Irish, the Germans, or the Swedish had their section of town and may have felt discriminated against by other groups. But gradually these distinctions blurred and gave way to discriminations against other races. We, as a country, have come a long way from the legal racial segregation and oppression that used to occur in our country. Perhaps the white supremacist gathering such as in Charlottesville is a visible expression of what you could call “extreme” racism. But I wonder if there are many more subtle ways – even subconscious—that we perpetuate racist systems or legacies that give us ‘privilege’ over others? Last year Bob and I started reading The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. Du Bois. It is a long, heady, book, but he does a masterful job of laying out the history of African Americans in the U.S., particularly regarding education and economic opportunities. Understanding our own history and the particular history of other groups that we intersect with helps us identify our cultural values and how they might clash with the values of others.

These are just a few things that are ruminating in my mind. If some of them resonate with you or challenge you, I encourage you to read the book or explore in other ways. I welcome your thoughts and feedback as I (and we) continue to learn about the tragic mistakes of the past, our own faults in the present, and seek to live lives that communicate God’s heart of love and justice to each person created in His image.

Life with the Epstein-Barr Virus

In the August 10^th entry of the popular devotional, Jesus Calling, Sarah Young writes “Energy and time are precious, limited entities.  Therefore, you need to use them wisely, focusing on what is truly important.”

Seven weeks ago I was diagnosed with the Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV).  Commonly associated with and commonly the cause of Mononucleosis (Mono), this virus is very common but only manifests itself in a small percentage of the population.  Essentially it renders one weak, tired and achy and it can take weeks and even months (and in some cases even longer) for the body to fully recover.  A former colleague from African Enterprise (AE) recently wrote, telling me of his experience with EBV.  He contracted the illness a week before his wedding and was essentially “man down” the first year of marriage.  It took him a full year to recover and five years before he could safely call EBV a memory.  In another case, a friend contracted EBV three years ago and is still dealing with the challenges of this virus which has morphed into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Does that sound encouraging?  No, it doesn’t, and it has not been an easy road for Kristi and I to walk these past three months.  Towards the end of June, our doctor in Nairobi gave us the go-ahead to return to Juba, but he cautioned me to take it easy and to “tithe it out.”  Since our return, we have been balancing my getting rest with learning a new language, building relationships in the community, and simply getting to know our environs.  I have begun a daily log whereby I record how well I sleep each night, how many naps I take each day and the length of each nap, each activity I do and how it affects me, and I rate my energy level each day on a scale of 1 – 10.  My energy level hasn’t been over 7.5 since I began recording eight weeks ago, and averages at about 6.5 per week.  I try to average 2 hours of rest each day, napping.  Our hope had been that I would be 90% strong before returning to Juba.  That didn’t happen…so here we are, having made the decision to return but still waiting for and seeking to promote healing, doing our best to navigate this place under less than ideal circumstances. 

So, how does one deal with a health challenge while adjusting to a new culture and language while also still grieving the loss of ministry and identity in another place?  Well, I am no expert and please do not look to me as a guide.  On many days I feel that God has dealt us an unfair hand.  It often feels like life has become unfair and the scales of the Universe have tipped against us.  “Why?” is a regular refrain on our lips.  We have prayed for healing as have countless others, but it feels like the heavens are silent. 

What I am learning, rather slowly and obstinately, is that the challenge and dark companion of an illness like EBV can actually become a teacher.  In the entry entitled “For a Friend on the Arrival of Illness,” the late John O’Donahue in his wonderful little book called To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings, writes most poignantly regarding illness, saying “You feel that against your will a stranger has married your heart.”  Those words have bounced off the echo chambers of my heart - so true!  While O’Donahue uses poetic turn of phrase to identify the pain and frustration of illness, he also encourages the friend to embrace the illness as a companion and teacher.  He encourages one to listen to the illness which can illuminate new qualities that will emerge within you.  He encourages the friend to ask why the illness came, what it wants you to know, what quality of space it wants to create in you, and to ask what do you need to learn to become more fully yourself so that your presence will shine in the world. 

Going back to the quote from Sarah Young’s devotional, I am learning how truly valuable and precious time and energy are.  I am learning that both are limited entities, having to choose only what is needful and necessary and not doing many of the things I would otherwise do and enjoy doing.  I cannot exercise as I normally would, and I am obliged to limit my outings from our apartment, only doing what feels most important.  Throughout the day I am constantly napping and needing to forgo the desire to be productive.  As an example of my limited energy, last Sunday we went to worship at a local church.   The entire outing was about four hours long and it took me two full days to recover. 

On a positive note, when I do go out, I tend to notice things and enjoy the experience more than I might otherwise.  Simple conversations and experiences are perhaps cherished more because they are in short supply.  I cannot say that I am good at embracing this new way of experiencing life.  There are many days when I feel somber and depressed at my current life state; I just want to curl up into a cocoon and bid the world “adieu.”  However, I am slowly learning to accept this illness as a companion and teacher that will indeed develop important qualities in me, qualities like patience, compassion and humility. 

If you are a person who prays, I welcome your prayer for me to learn all that God wants to teach me through this illness.  Of course, I also welcome prayers for healing and full recovery.  Whatever happens, my hope is that my life will be surrendered to God and bring Him all the glory.  Thank you for reading.                 

Taking the plunge

This week we worked with our Arabic helper to create a ‘text’ for a conversation about family. We learned to briefly introduce each other, say that we have no children, and describe our families in the US. We then would ask about the other person’s family – are they married? Do they have children? Are their parents living, and where? Do they have brothers and sisters? We recorded our language teacher saying all of this, so that we could listen to his pronunciation when we practiced and mimic it. We rehearsed with each other, pretending to be various people. All of this working up to going out in the neighborhood to practice.

But going out in the neighborhood to practice a text feels intimidating sometimes. Will we draw a crowd? Will I understand what people are saying to me? Can I make this a real conversation, not just repeating memorized lines to get through it? So this morning we prayed that God would lead us to the right people, and make this an encouraging experience. And we reminded ourselves that our goal in learning Juba Arabic is to connect with people – to be able to communicate and understand them.

As we headed out this morning, we saw Mary, one of the ladies who cleans our apartment, as we were going down the stairs. We asked if we could talk to her about family, and Bob launched into the text. People passed by on the stairs and some of the security guards came to join the conversation. These are people we know and see regularly, and all of them are excited that we are learning Arabic, so it was an encouraging place to start.

Kristi with two women who work in our apartment building – our favorite conversation partners!

Then, we took the plunge, heading across the street to an outdoor market area. We were able to engage a few of the venders, learning their names and now learning a little about their families. We found Mary, a woman we had met before who has a tea stall, sitting with some of her customers. Once we started greeting them in Arabic, we were kind of a novelty and they were eager to talk. We introduced ourselves, and began our discussion about family. Some responded with long explanations about what their children were doing or the challenges of life, and we were quickly lost. We’ve only been studying Arabic for a whopping three weeks now!

We decided to stop for tea at Mary’s stall. This provided an opportunity to get to know her a bit more. As we sipped our tea and coffee, other customers came into the stall, and joined the conversation. Bob was able to talk to a policeman who sat next to him, who is based at the police station right next to our apartment. Mary does not speak English, but we were pleasantly surprised at how much we were able to understand with our limited Arabic. As we ask people about their families, we are often confronted with the hard reality that many of their family members have died in South Sudan’s long conflict, or that their children or siblings are far away, living in a refugee camp. But hearing those sad things from an individual puts a personal face on this tragic environment and helps us to come to understand the daily struggles people face here. We came back home after an hour encouraged and grateful that God had answered our prayers. Please continue to pray for good conversations and relationships as we go out to practice Arabic, and also for Bob’s energy to continue to improve so that we can go out more often to practice.

God's Refugee

Sometimes when reading a book one gets the extraordinary sense of God’s presence.  Such has been the case for Kristi and I as we have just finished God’s Refugee, The Story of a Lost Boy Pastor, by Rev. John Chol Daau and Lilly Sanders Ubbens.    

Many accounts have been given on the lives of the Lost Boys of Sudan.  It is estimated that 30,000 young boys fled from their homes due to the Second Civil War of Sudan with only 10,000 surviving the journey.  Stories usually include young boys having to walk incredibly long distances, being hunted by the military from the North, travelling for days with little water and food, being attacked by wild animals, crossing crocodile infested rivers, and being forced to live in refugee camps for years on end.

The boy John Chol Daau’s story is no different.  What perhaps sets his story apart from other accounts is how his life is clearly marked by God from infancy.  He is named after John the Baptist by one of his uncles, an unusual name to be given.  Moreover, as an infant, he would not stop crying, driving his mother and family to exasperation.  Finally his Uncle Johnson comes and gently holds a Bible over young John’s head.  John quiets and reaches for the Bible.  His Uncle Johnson then prophesies that one day John will preach God’s Word. 

John becomes known as the drummer boy in his village, carrying his Uncle Elijah’s Bible and following him everywhere.  The two would lead church services under a tree, where John would play his drum with rapturous joy.  Their efforts, however, were not appreciated by most villagers until John’s Uncle Paul is miraculously healed.  A second intervention of God during a difficult pregnancy solidifies the power of Jesus over the Jak (local spirits or gods) in the hearts and minds of villagers.  People begin to flock to the church and begin burning their shrines to the local deities, local deities who had been exacting huge sacrifices on the people for generations. 

When John’s village is attacked, he and others ran…and ran…and ran.  Much of his account focuses upon life in refugee camps in Ethiopia, Kenya and Uganda, where life is harsh for everyone.  Yet, in these places of suffering and humiliation and pain, God makes Himself known to thousands upon thousands of Southern Sudanese refugees.  What some missiologists refer to as a “People Movement” becomes the norm in these camps.  Thousands begin flocking to different refugee camp churches to worship.  The Holy Spirit begins inspiring these new Christians to create new songs, songs which are written and composed daily.  Believers are given new names which represented new life and freedom.  John writes, “We began to see that we were not displaced unknowns, but God’s people.  We were refugees in God.  We sensed that what had been lost to us, our dignity, had been returned.  We received a new status – one as real persons.”   The refugees were given new life in Christ.  They were given a new community and a new family.  They realized that even if they didn’t have parents, God was their parent. 

After years of living in the camps, serving God but being separated from his family, John is miraculously given the opportunity to study at Daystar University in Nairobi, Kenya.  His world opens up as he learns more about the Bible, about servant leadership, and about community development.  He returns to the camps where he teaches others and helps equip those serving as church leaders in the camps.  Finally, after seventeen years, he is able to return to his home village of Baping where he is reunited with his Uncle Johnson and learns more about the fate of other family members.  Of course there is more to tell, but we won’t give more details away! 

If you are interested in South Sudan or just simply want to be inspired by the manifestation of God’s miraculous power to redeem brokenness in our world, we encourage you to read this exceptional story.  You can find God’s Refugee, The Story of a Lost Boy Pastor on Amazon at this link, or go to a local bookstore and see if they have it in stock or ask if they can order it for you.  Happy reading!